Omnium: advice for the complete novice

[tedrobin]

For anyone thinking of having a go on the track for the first time at the Omnium, there are quite a few things you need to know. I know a couple of them having been for the first time myself on Monday. All our seasoned track-riders can maybe add the rest.

Getting on a track bike for the first time is a bit freaky. It's not the lack of gears, it's not the lack of brakes, it's not the steepness of the banks: it's the fact that the chain is fixed, so you can't stop pedalling. Well, you can, but the momentum you've built up will grab your legs in a very unnerving way if you do. Since I regard as coasting along and not pedalling as the absolute icing on the cake of cycling, this is going to take some getting used to. Hats off to you lunatics who ride fixies to Centennial Park or even Waterfall. I had no idea what this implied until Monday night.

So, if you're having a go for the first time, you need to ride slowly around the non-banked part of the track for a long time, until you think you're used to the constant pedalling thing. And when you want to experiment with the banks on the track, stay low. The angle of the bank is apparently exactly the same whether you're low or high on the bank. Get used to the fact that your bike is not going to slip out from under you, which seems very unlikely the first time you try it.

Don't do what I did, which was:

(1) Get a bit cocky too soon and ride up the bank.
(2) Go "oh s**t, I seem to be teetering on the edge of a cliff being held up by two tiny pieces of rubber".
(3) Freak out and stop pedalling.
(4) Get kicked by the back wheel and develop the death wobbles.
(5) Start pedalling again and manage to get down low on the track.
(6) Become so pleased with yourself for not crashing that you stop pedalling again.
(7) Get hit by back wheel again.
(8) Develop death wobbles again.
(9) Fall off.

[weiyun]

Death wobble on the track?!?

[Toff]

Hahaha . Great read. Reminds me of the first time I rode around Camperdown as a novice trackie, except I also struck my pedal on the banking, which kicked my bike's back wheel off the ground in the middle of everything else.

[tedrobin]

"Death wobbles" was Lindsay's term, I believe. I don't know if this is orthodox cycling language, but it seemed to sum things up pretty accurately.

[Toff]

Death wobbles is a term most commonly associated with skateboarding, where the vibrations from the road cause the board to vibrate at its resonant frequency. The vibrations become more and more pronounced, and the rider starts to swerve from side to side in harmony with the oscillations. Eventually the rider loses control, or chooses to abandon the board. A crash ensues.

In the same way, you can get death wobbles on the track when something causes you to oscillate the handlebars (and therefore the whole of the bike) at a frequency that causes the oscillations to escalate. I've experienced a similar thing when sprinting at full speed round the banking. The steering on track bikes is meant to be twitchy, so a small vibration from your legs going up and down, or your head swinging from side to side, can start the process off. You learn to recognise it, and deal with it, but the main reason it occurs is the tight steering you get on track bikes.

[T-Bone]

I've never had death wobbles, but i've stopped pedaling a few times. Last time i did a nice endo rolling along on the front wheel for a meter or two. I was getting tired at the time, so i blame that.

[tedrobin]

Camilla is going to have a go tonight, so I can go along as support-person. While I generally agree with the principle that states you should get straight back on the horse that threw you, if I came down again on certain bits of me you would hear the scream in North Sydney.

[micklan]

My RM125 used to get tank slap - that's violent handlebar oscillation at speed, a menace to bring under control. Increasing speed stopped it, if it starts again, increase speed to counter, keep increasing speed until lift off

[mikesbytes]

If you think the RM125 was bad, try riding an ER125.

Ted, where's the pics?

[timyone]

yeah dont slow down on corners

If you stand up, get ready for the change of things when you sit down, i think i nearly stacked it the first time i tried stand up sprinting, sat down, and wasnt doing the same speed as when i stood up.

Ted i hope your only racing the time trials if your riding the omnium, the rest of the races arent totally bran new friendly, especially the point score.

[tedrobin]

I have no intention of doing anything than having a gentle potter-around on the track on Saturday. I find it very hard to envisage myself ever being anything but a hazard to others on a velodrome. Pigs will fly before I enter a race (this may lead to some anxiety as I peruse my copy of Genetic Engineering Monthly).

[mikesbytes]

I have no intention of doing anything than having a gentle potter-around on the track on Saturday. I find it very hard to envisage myself ever being anything but a hazard to others on a velodrome. Pigs will fly before I enter a race (this may lead to some anxiety as I peruse my copy of Genetic Engineering Monthly).

Nah, you will be like a steam roller, take a little while to get up to speed and then there will be no stopping you.

I wouldn't be too worried about the group races, the racing riders have a bit more experience and therefor will be quicker than you, you won't be in the racing bunch.

[tedrobin]

Well, I appreciate your words of encouragment, but shall nonetheless make discretion the better part of valour at the omnium.

[Toff]

I for one would be happy to draught behind you Ted, once you get up some speed

[tedrobin]

You're not the first person to express an ardent interest in riding directly behind me. At first I found it a little unnerving, to be honest, but then someone explained aerodynamics to me.

[Toff]

Also, Ted, since you're a big guy, your surface area to volume ratio is lower than mine (although I'm not tiny). This means that per unit of effort, it should be easier for you to push through the wind than me. (Based on the assumption that we both have an equal percentage of usable muscle.) How's that for technical?... You'll soon be an expert on genetics, fluid dynamics, and physiology!

[timyone]

man ted, in time i can see you being a tough track rider!

[tedrobin]

I'd lvoe to be one of those sneaky, grumpy old bastards who gets the better of fitter, faster whipper-snappers on the track. All I lack is 40 years experience.

[mikesbytes]

Your only 3 years older than me

[timyone]

theres a guy called keith oliver, he does that heaps.

Browny who used to train with us, is also good to watch, both of them have alot of expeirience, and beat faster riders

[tedrobin]

Keith Oliver was the guy I was thinking of. I went out to the Clarence Street Cup a few months back (and saw DHBC colours proudly mount the podium). Keithy Oliver looked like the archetype of the skeaky, grumpy old track-rider; I was most taken by him! He must have 60+ years of experience.

[Huw]

death wobbles

Sure, I've heard about harmonic oscimillations and all that, but there's one thing I know:

If you're wobblin', and you think you're gonna die, them's the death wobbles.

[mikesbytes]

Sure, I've heard about harmonic oscimillations and all that, but there's one thing I know:

If you're wobblin', and you think you're gonna die, them's the death wobbles.

All you need to do is to not exceed 80kph

[Huw]

You're not the first person to express an ardent interest in riding directly behind me.

Oh, did we forget to mention that you've got a really cute bum ?

[Camilla]

Perhaps someone could lend Ted their Porno Pants for Saturday

[Huw]

[mikesbytes]

Perhaps someone could lend Ted their Porno Pants for Saturday

Are you referring to the ones with the mesh?

He's only allowed to reveal cleavage if he waxes.

[tedrobin]

This from the guy whose bum-crack I chased all around the Southern Highlands on Long Weekend Touring? You invented Porno Knicks! Writing this e-mail has me wondering how one spells nicks/knicks. Presumably it's a diminuitive of knickerbockers.

[Huw]

This from the guy whose bum-crack I chased all around the Southern Highlands on Long Weekend Touring? You invented Porno Knicks! Writing this e-mail has me wondering how one spells nicks/knicks. Presumably it's a diminuitive of knickerbockers.

1. Sorry, NOT . OK, that was unfortunate.

2. For this application, I would write "nix". Of course referring to the absence of sufficient coverage.

3. The style police have identified two varieties of pornonix; those with a purpose-constructed mesh insert, and those that are old and have stretched across the arse enough to make them thin and see-through. For accuracy, we could perhaps refer to pornonix types I and II in future?

[Camilla]

Not mesh Mike. Think much-loved knicks and a oblique morning ray of sunlight.

[Huw]

Not mesh Mike. Think much-loved knicks and a oblique morning ray of sunlight.

My "Type IIs", if you will.

[Toff]

Can I just clarify these Type IIs?

I believe there may be 2 types of Type IIs.

Type II subtype I are the ones where the lycra across your crack has stretched and faded, allowing a "greasy window" above your crack for people to look at when on your wheel.

Type II subtype II are the ones where the lycra has worn thin close to the chamois, and possibly holes have formed in this area, giving riders on your wheel a glimpse of inner thigh flesh when you get out of the seat.

I was informed this morning as I left the house that I had developed Type II subtype II symptoms.

[timyone]

far out people what has happened to this thread?!!!

[Huw]

far out people what has happened to this thread?!!!

Well and truly hijacked - but quite funny!

[tedrobin]

I an earlier incarnation as a long-term commuting cyclist, I was too tight to buy proper padded knicks. I used to head down to Supre and buy the $8 lycra tights, which (apparently) wore thin almost immediately in all parts. The effect was somehow not noticeable from above, and while friends and colleagues declined to point it out to me at the time, they never tire of recounting it to me now.

[tedrobin]

Yes, we have got a bit off topic, but I for one found timyone's observation that you have to be very careful when you sit back down after getting out of your seat on the track to be a very useful one, which may save me some skin.

[Huw]

Can I just clarify these Type IIs?

I believe there may be 2 types of Type IIs.

Type II subtype I are the ones where the lycra across your crack has stretched and faded, allowing a "greasy window" above your crack for people to look at when on your wheel.

Type II subtype II are the ones where the lycra has worn thin close to the chamois, and possibly holes have formed in this area, giving riders on your wheel a glimpse of inner thigh flesh when you get out of the seat.

I was informed this morning as I left the house that I had developed Type II subtype II symptoms.

Toff, that is a sad tale of woe, but illustrates an important distinction.

I think we're now very close to a proper pornonix nomenclature. But might I suggest, for ease of description, subtypes "a" and "b" (rather than repeating "I" and "II"). Thus we have:

Type I: Purpose-engineered mesh "peekaboo" window (now what is THAT all about?)
Type IIa: Stretched to smithereens
Type IIb: Laddered at chamois stitching points

And might I suggest, for completeness:
Type III: Torn violently during (a) mishap or (b) other

Note that the proposed Type IIIs are generally short-lived (a rider will generally not wear them again), whereas riders may be tempted to persist with Types I and II. All outcomes are unfortunate for all but the rider, which highlights their ethical responsibility to the rest of the bunch.

[Camilla]

$8 lycra tights, which (apparently) wore thin almost immediately in all parts

This could be Type II subtype III, but I was there and would like to claim it as a whole new Type.

Additionally, for the record, I would like to state that I told Ted at the time of his Type III offense . Unlike the rest of the campus, it just didn't seem to bother him. Which I had to give him complete kudos for.

[Camilla]

Huw, you keep jumping on moments before me! So now we have 4 types.

[Huw]

This could be Type II subtype III, but I was there and would like to claim it as a whole new Type.

Yes, I think now four Types.

Type I: Purpose-engineered mesh "peekaboo" window (now what is THAT all about?)
Type IIa: Stretched to smithereens
Type IIb: Laddered at chamois stitching points
Type III: Torn violently during mishap or other
Type IV: NOT nix in the first place, and thus never designed for the rigours of the saddle

Sorry if I stole your thunder, Camilla, but I do feel strongly about this issue and felt that it needed to be sorted out with utmost speed.

[Toff]

I have issues with Type III.

They certainly deserve a separate classification, but I dispute that they belong to the "Pornonix" family. I appreciate that a few sickos could possibly put these nix in the "Porno" category, but perhaps we should create a new family of nix for that one.

If anyone wants to argue a different taxonomy viewpoint, I would like to hear it. We can then type on on type, so to speak.

[tedrobin]

I was just about to take this thread way downmarket, but was reminded that I made certain undertakings when I signed up as a member of the forum.

[Camilla]

hmmm. The semantics do indeed need clarification. I suppose it depends on exactly where Type III are torn. To my mind, key to the issue of pornonix is visible bum crack. Perhaps a rating system for Type III could be introduced dependent on a fellow riders willingness to draft behind said potential pornonixer.

Which leads us to a new question of of nomenclature. Does anyone know what an inhabitant of Chamonix is called? A Chamonique perhaps?

[Huw]

I have issues with Type III.

They certainly deserve a separate classification, but I dispute that they belong to the "Pornonix" family. I appreciate that a few sickos could possibly put these nix in the "Porno" category, but perhaps we should create a new family of nix for that one.

If anyone wants to argue a different taxonomy viewpoint, I would like to hear it. We can then type on on type, so to speak.

Toff, I think you've made an important point.

This is a tricky issue. Clearly, one suffering a mishap converts their knicks to nix against one's choice. But yet these nix do indeed become revealing - pornographic, if you will.

I'm in favour of including Type III as stated previously (and hopefully not just because I proposed it). The essence of Toff's argument as I see it is that the unfortunate wearer of the putative Type IIIs does not have any choice in the matter. I argue, however, that many (possibly the majority) of riders wearing Type Is and IIs are ALSO unconscious of the fact that their knicks are revealing (and have become, in fact, nix). For this reason, I suggest that the argument of rider choice alone cannot be used to reject the Type III classification.

Ted, quite apart from unsuspecting wearers of revealing nix, has revealed himself to be a simple scoundrel.

[Huw]

hmmm. The semantics do indeed need clarification. I suppose it depends on exactly where Type III are torn. To my mind, key to the issue of pornonix is visible bum crack. Perhaps a rating system for Type III could be introduced dependent on a fellow riders willingness to draft behind said potential pornonixer.

Another salient point. I think we need to be prepared to be, much like lycra, flexible with this new and evolving nomenclature. And I think the issue of willingness could be a useful tool for deciding upon its application.

Does anyone know what an inhabitant of Chamonix is called? A Chamonique perhaps?

Perhaps Chamonique would be the feminine, Chamonic the masculine?

[mikesbytes]

Type I: Purpose-engineered mesh "peekaboo" window (now what is THAT all about?)
Type IIa: Stretched to smithereens
Type IIb: Laddered at chamois stitching points
Type III: Torn violently during mishap or other
Type IV: NOT nix in the first place, and thus never designed for the rigours of the saddle

Type I = Grant Bond and Paul Megan

Type IIa, IIb, III = me

Type IV, as long is its not baggy pants with no underwear...

[mikesbytes]

Todays shopping

[tedrobin]

Nad's or 'Nads? Does this imply anything about the parts of the body upon which the strips are to be used?

But hey, guys, what about fruther tips for the track-riding novice? I was expecting a tidal-wave of Zen-style pronouncements about "becoming one with the bike" etc. etc.

[mikesbytes]

Camilla can advise on the removal strips.

As long as you don't become "one with someone else bike"

Nah, you'll fine Ted, just wear your best bike shorts.

[lindsay]

Track riding is very skills intensive & flys against the current trend of sports which is in my opinion to dumb it down, make it simple & make money out of it.

One model for sport is to give people the the basics at the start, which is mostly all they need & off they go on a training program which includes one or two big events over a year as a culmination of their efforts.

Track racing is opposite to this... riders need to be hooked up to a drip feed of development over a long period. Intensive "camp" type of events are useful but are a complement the long term coaching.

Nobody can ride through the gate onto the track for the first time, no matter where they have come from as a fully formed track rider. Even a top roadie who's doing road opens & out there training & racing will need development on one area or another.

So I think it's a matter of getting you down to the track, lets have a look at you & it's on the drip-u-lator from there on. Slowly we build the the 3 elements of a track rider - Skills, Strength & Speed.

So some of the first things we need to nail down are -

Bike Setup - This starts with shoes & pedals first, seat hight, stem length then comfort/aero position.

Track Skills - Riding fixie & no brakes, riding banks, learning to ride the rollers & riding in a pace line.

Strength Skills - liptmus test for this is 250 standing start.

Track Endurance - Motorpace.

High Speed Sprinting - Lead-out Sprints.

Once we get this going a rider should be getting an idea of what they like & what they are good at - It's time to start setting some racing goals & perhaps specializing in an event or planning for a big race.

[mikesbytes]

I need to leave Tempe no later than 5.30pm. Guess that kills the BBQ for me?

[tedrobin]

Thanks Lindsay! I think my bruises have subsided to a level where I might countenance saddling up again at the omnium. I will be a bit anxious about not falling off again which may, oddly, be quite counter-productive. If only I was Little Lindsay: fearless, featherweight and likely to bounce up, almost amused, after a fall.

[micklan]

its like - no rain today - but that's a day closer to rain
maybe